When spouses engage in the demand withdraw pattern Who is most likely to demand and who is more likely to withdraw?
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journal article Show Journal of Marriage and Family Vol. 58, No. 4 (Nov., 1996) , pp. 945-957 (13 pages) Published By: National Council on Family Relations https://doi.org/10.2307/353982 https://www.jstor.org/stable/353982 Read and download Log in through your school or library Monthly Plan
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Abstract This article examines the demand-withdraw communication dynamic during which one spouse requests change and the other disengages from the topic. We evaluated two problem-solving discussions by each of 50 married couples using both self-report questionnaires and microanalytic observational coding. Working under the hypothesis that demand-withdraw results from a disparity in the motivation to change, we asked each couple to discuss an issue about which the husband wanted the wife to change and an issue about which the wife wanted the husband to change. Data showed that wives demanded and husbands withdrew during discussions of her issue, whereas husbands demanded and wives withdrew during discussions of his issue. Time-series analyses of observational data confirmed that demand and withdraw behaviors are temporally associated during the course of discussion. We classified couples as bidirectional, wife-dominant, husband-dominant, and nondependent, based on the pattern of interdependency they exhibited. Journal Information The Journal of Marriage and Family (JMF), published by the National Council on Family Relations, is the leading research journal in the family field and has been so for over sixty years. JMF features original research and theory, research interpretation and reviews, and critical discussion concerning all aspects of marriage, other forms of close relationships, and families. The Journal also publishes book reviews. Contributors to JMF come from a diversity of fields including anthropology, demography, economics, history, psychology, and sociology, as well as interdisciplinary fields such as human development and family sciences. JMF publishes original theory and research using the variety of methods reflective of the full range of social sciences, including quantitative, qualitative, and multimethod designs. Integrative reviews as well as reports on methodological and statistical advances are also welcome. JMF is issued quarterly, in February, May, August, and November of each year. Each issue averages 284 pages in length. World wide, its circulation is more than 6,200 copies. Publisher Information For over sixty-four years National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) has linked multi-disciplinary family professionals through its journals, conferences, state affiliate councils, and special interest sections. NCFR is non-profit, nonpartisan and fully member-funded. Researchers, educators, practitioners, and policymakers from all family fields and disiplines share knowledge and information about families. NCFR was founded in 1938. NCFR's Mission: The National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) provides a forum for family researchers, educators, and practitioners to share in the development and dissemination of knowledge about families and family relationships, establishes professional standards, and works to promote family well-being. Rights & Usage This item is part of a JSTOR Collection. The "wife-demand, husband-withdraw" communication pattern is common in Western marriages. But is it a cross-cultural phenomenon? One of the most commonly studied communication styles in married couples is “demand-withdraw.” It’s often called the “wife demand, husband withdraw” because this is the common trend. However, this phenomenon has mostly been reported in Western countries. This raises the question if it has the same negative effect on marriages across cultures or even if the same pattern even exists. Is it always the women doing the demanding and the husband withdrawing? Research suggests not. The demand-withdraw pattern is an important one to study because it has been linked with increased marital dissatisfaction, higher rates of divorce and even depression (Papp et al. 2009, Gottman and Levenson, 2000). It’s covered extensively in our chapter on “Love and Marriage,” but a big part of critical thinking is asking questions about the validity and cross-cultural reliability of findings from studies (especially since most are based on Western samples). This post is designed to help students address some of those questions.
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The demand-withdraw pattern can be defined as when “one partner pressures the other through emotional demands, criticisms, and complaints, while the other retreats through withdrawal, defensiveness, and passive inaction” (Christensen & Heavey, 1990, p. 73, as cited in Rehman & Holtzworth-Munroe, 2006). But is this pattern always linked with marital satisfaction across cultures? Few studies have investigated this, but one that did was by Christensen and Eldridge in 2005. They found that in Brazilian, Italian and Taiwanese couples there was a negative correlation between demand-withdraw and marital satisfaction (higher rates of demand-withdraw, lower satisfaction). This finding is consistent with American studies and suggests it could be a universal phenomenon. And what about the gender roles in this pattern? Is it always the women making the demands and the husband doing the withdrawing? Papp et al.’s (2009) study on American married couples found that “…husband demand-wife withdraw and wife demand-husband withdraw occurred in the home at equal frequency…” This suggests that it’s not always the wife making the demands and the husband withdrawing, even in American samples. Find more teaching resources in our Love and Marriage support pack. What about across cultures? Rehman & Holtzworth-Munroe conducted a study to see the effects and nature of demand-withdraw in Pakistan, a primarily Muslim country with more traditional and conservative family values (e.g. more defined gender roles).
Previous research suggests that the person doing the demanding or withdrawing could be influenced by the gender role beliefs and power differences (e.g. patriarchal vs. egalitarian societies) within that culture. In a country with less equality between the sexes, for example, it might be less common for wives to make the demands and they may be more likely to withdraw. For example, according to the researchers, Pakistani wives might not make as many direct, aggressive demands on their husbands because it would decrease their chances of getting what they want. Instead, they may use other, less aggressive means, “e.g. whining, pleading and flirting.” Men, on the other hand, “…will be less likely to withdraw from conflict discussions because they are less likely to be threatened by wife demands…” because of their “greater power in the marital relationship…” (Rehman and Holtz-Munroe, 2006). Differences in gender equality could explain cultural differences in the demand-withdraw pattern of communication, like those found in the more patriarchal country of Pakistan. To test this, the researchers gathered data from three groups of married participants: American couples (from Indianapolis), Pakistani couples (from Islamabad) and Pakistani immigrant couples living in the US (Chicago and Indianapolis). Data was gathered using questionnaires and the couples were observed for a 7.5 minute discussion in which the couple chose a random topic. One finding from the study was that the demand–withdraw behaviors were negatively associated with marital satisfaction, which supports “…the generalizability of this association and suggest that these interaction patterns may be universally associated with marital distress.” In terms of the differences in demand-withdraw patterns, the results showed that “…Pakistani wives were significantly more likely to engage in unassertive demands than were American wives, whereas American wives were significantly more likely to use aggressive demands than were Pakistani wives.” This could be because of the difference in gender equality in each culture. Similarly, Pakistani wives were more likely to withdraw from their husbands than American wives, and American husbands were more likely to withdraw from their wives than Pakistani husbands. The researchers conclude that “…findings suggest that the role of the wife as the demander and the husband as the conflict avoider is not determined by intrinsic differences between men and women” and it seems cultural contexts are an important factor. Here we can see the importance of considering the cross-cultural applicability of research findings in psychology.
References
Travis Dixon is an IB Psychology teacher, author, workshop leader, examiner and IA moderator. What is the demandDemand-withdraw occurs in one of two patterns between marital partners, in which one partner is the demander, seeking change, discussion, or resolution of an issue, while the other partner is the withdrawer, seeking to end or avoid discussion of the issue.
How do I get out of demand withdrawal pattern?Getting Started with Active Listening
The practice of “active listening” could help you get out of the demand-withdraw rut, too. In active listening, you restate what the other person says as a way to be sure that you understood. You also check on what you think the other person may be feeling.
When a partner avoids issues by withdrawing from the conversation it is an example of?When a partner avoids issues by withdrawing from the conversation it is an example of: stonewalling.
What is the tendency for couples with regard to conflict style?What is a noticeable tendency among couples with regard to conflict style? Although change is possible, couples tend to maintain the same conflict style. Researchers believe that young adults experience more conflict with their partners because they: are also experiencing major life changes.
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